We have found no evidence that human affairs are orchestrated by any one select group – your world is far too erratic and childish for that to be plausible – though the name of one such purported group (“Illuminati,” or “enlightened ones”) was deemed appropriate for a cannabis strain of mysterious origins. Just like the eye in the pyramid claimed to be their symbol, the Illuminati’s namesake indica cultivar provides a deep relaxation that begins at the top of the head and works its way down. You may in fact feel enlightened as a result, and we can assure you that NO ONE is watching you with nefarious intentions while you enjoy this product.**
**unless you happen to be [name redacted] from [location redacted], in which case we don’t know what to tell you.